BenNike <3

I really wish I stayed somewhere nearer so I wouldn't just count on my friend's transport. Taking public transport isn't easy in my area. At times, I have to wait almost 45minutes just to get a bus to Sunway Pyramid. Besides, standing under the blazing hot sun without any shelter would just sweat the hell out of me and before I reach my destination, I would have already stink like a skunk. HOW convenient ? Heres another option, calling a cab ? The cost for a cab to reach ss15, cost almost RM10 multiply by 2 (2 ways).

and Yes, its reasonable if I go out once in a blue moon. However, if this keeps up , it could just total up to 3 digits just for a transport. Besides, I don't have any job, and my main source of money would come from my parents.

I love my home, yet I really do hope my home is somewhere nearer. Its kinda stressful when someone ask me out. As usual, my primary concern would be .. Transport. At times, people would say why am I so anti social (not going out, stay at home, etc etc) Going out is such a hassle to me. In fact, I even tried to explain whats the reason for my absence but I guess everyone is hard headed ya. All they could say is 'ya ya ya' for a typical Malaysian. Some would even say I study throughout the time. WTH ? -.-

~.~ Holiday might just be a dull, monotonous and boring times for me. *Sigh* I guess this pretty much add up everything I'm trying to say on why I seldom go out.

-BeN

Tempted to stray

I’M in my early 40s and am married with one child. I have been suffering from depression since my early 20s and have been on medication for more than 10 years.

Most of the time, I struggle to work and find life boring and meaningless. I try to fill my life with activities I like but things don’t seem to improve.

For many years, I have been harbouring thoughts of having a relationship with someone much younger. I seem to be attracted to young and pretty girls and yearn to have a relationship. I would say this is the only thing that can make me feel “happy” for a while. My sexual urge could be very high if not for the antidepressants which help to control it.

I still have a sexual relationship with my wife but I don’t seem to enjoy it so much. I do it just to “release” myself. Probably we have been married for too long. Please don’t tell me to try and do it in different places, etc, to make it more exciting. It just won’t work because I just yearn for a new partner.

I know the consequences should my wife find out. I really have no choice because this longing for a romantic relationship is getting stronger.

I read a lot and I think I know why I feel this way. First, it is due to my upbringing which was lacking in parental love. Second, because I am depressed, I don’t seem to enjoy other things except romantic love and sexual fulfilment.

You may say that I shouldn’t be interested in sex if I’m really depressed. And probably, after a year or two with a new partner, this same longing for someone new may arise, I suppose.

I’m just drifting along and feel quite trapped for not having the liberty to do what I want. I do have many women in mind but I don’t want to hurt my wife and cause my family to break up. I still want to keep my family, especially my child. I know how important a father’s love is for a child. Please help me solve my predicament.

Lost

IF you insist on giving yourself reasons to stray, nothing can stop you. Talking about the lack of parental love and your depressive illness offers an easy way to appease your guilt and sense of wrong.

Perhaps you should consult a medical specialist to talk about your needs and feelings. In your heart, you love your wife and child. But you feel trapped because of your urge to have a relationship with a sweet young thing. However, you do not want to be advised to rejuvenate your marriage. You seem to want to talk yourself into an affair, with all the many excuses festering in your mind.

This is not a healthy predicament for you. You are pushing yourself into an emotional corner with many sharp edges. You need someone capable of healing your state of mind so that you do not feel the need to seek relationships outside your marriage. At your age, you may be experiencing a mid-life crisis. There is a desperate feeling to latch onto youth by indulging in thoughts of sex with young, vibrant women to compensate for your feelings of boredom and inadequacy.

It is important that you seek professional help now. Self-analysis can sometimes be delusional. Understand the true reasons for your needs so that you do not feel so frightened and compulsive in your actions.

• Don't be a pussy by complaining, moan and be disgruntled with life.
  
• Be happy with who you as you make yourself to be ; choices are to be made.
• Stop being self-centred, count the blessings you have and be thankful of everything. Remind yourself how countless of homeless people are suffering and barely able to have one meal a day.
• Do some charity work and you will derive real happiness from making others happy. Life is what you make !
  
• Have the responsibility to handle your own mental state; never depend on others to make you blissful and don't blame anyone or anything, whether its your parents nor others for how you feel.
• As written in newspaper, sexual pleasure can only give temporary fulfillment, a repetition will definitely occur after a few years and this same longing for someone new may arise.

2nd November 2007.

12.30 p.m - School Exam officially ended.
12.45 p.m - Went to Jui Hong's aunt house.
1.00 p.m - Went to Jui Hong's house.
3.30 p.m - Went to driving range, played golf with Nigel, Guoyi , Jui Hong.
5.45 p.m - Swimming
7.00 p.m - Had dinner somewhere at ss15
9.00 p.m - Reached home. ^^



Kota Permai Club

Hello.

5 more days till the end of exam !! inclusive of accounts examination.

Can't wait !!

-BeN

Steven Paul Jobs (born February 24, 1955) is the co-founder and CEO of Apple and was the CEO of Pixar until its acquisition by Disney. He is currently the largest Disney shareholder and a member of Disney's Board of Directors. He is considered a leading figure in both the computer and entertainment industries.

1. You Have To Be Very Clear of Your Purpose In School

Steve dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months. Why did he drop out? Like many college students, Steve did not have a clear reason for being there other than the fact that he doesn’t know what else to do yet. Ask yourself now, “Why am I going to college?”

What do you hope to achieve? Are your current actions your best efforts? What are you capable of if you knew what you wanted to get out from College? Are you there to create one of the richest experiences in your life or are you just there wasting time? If your goal is to graduate with Honors, what are you or should be doing to get there? Understanding your purpose will give you the control to create your ideal experience in College.

2. You've Got To Find What You Love

“Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did.” Steve was thrown out from his own company at the age of 30. But he was back in Apple in a relatively short period because he pursued what he loves.

But what do most people usually do? They settle for courses and jobs that they do not truly love because of other people’s thinking. And that strictly caps one potential. Find out what you love and do it. Don’t settle for less.

3. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish

I believe this is the gem of his speech. “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish!” Here’s my understanding of what he meant. As you enter a new phase of life, be adventurous. Make wise use of your time to create the ideal experience you have always wanted. Be a goal setter and every time you reached a goal, go for another one! Stay foolish. When life hits you with a brick, have the guts to stand up and keep going. Take the bull by the horns and design your life your way. Don’t slink off to mediocrity.

Remember one thing about life: There's no goal too big or challenge too large to reach.

-BeN

Happy 16th Birthday... to ..

Apologize

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say
But I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say..

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that's nothing new)
Yeah yeah

I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue
And you say
Sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
Woahooo woah

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, a yeah

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground

XD sad song.

-BeN