BenNike <3

Tempted to stray

I’M in my early 40s and am married with one child. I have been suffering from depression since my early 20s and have been on medication for more than 10 years.

Most of the time, I struggle to work and find life boring and meaningless. I try to fill my life with activities I like but things don’t seem to improve.

For many years, I have been harbouring thoughts of having a relationship with someone much younger. I seem to be attracted to young and pretty girls and yearn to have a relationship. I would say this is the only thing that can make me feel “happy” for a while. My sexual urge could be very high if not for the antidepressants which help to control it.

I still have a sexual relationship with my wife but I don’t seem to enjoy it so much. I do it just to “release” myself. Probably we have been married for too long. Please don’t tell me to try and do it in different places, etc, to make it more exciting. It just won’t work because I just yearn for a new partner.

I know the consequences should my wife find out. I really have no choice because this longing for a romantic relationship is getting stronger.

I read a lot and I think I know why I feel this way. First, it is due to my upbringing which was lacking in parental love. Second, because I am depressed, I don’t seem to enjoy other things except romantic love and sexual fulfilment.

You may say that I shouldn’t be interested in sex if I’m really depressed. And probably, after a year or two with a new partner, this same longing for someone new may arise, I suppose.

I’m just drifting along and feel quite trapped for not having the liberty to do what I want. I do have many women in mind but I don’t want to hurt my wife and cause my family to break up. I still want to keep my family, especially my child. I know how important a father’s love is for a child. Please help me solve my predicament.

Lost

IF you insist on giving yourself reasons to stray, nothing can stop you. Talking about the lack of parental love and your depressive illness offers an easy way to appease your guilt and sense of wrong.

Perhaps you should consult a medical specialist to talk about your needs and feelings. In your heart, you love your wife and child. But you feel trapped because of your urge to have a relationship with a sweet young thing. However, you do not want to be advised to rejuvenate your marriage. You seem to want to talk yourself into an affair, with all the many excuses festering in your mind.

This is not a healthy predicament for you. You are pushing yourself into an emotional corner with many sharp edges. You need someone capable of healing your state of mind so that you do not feel the need to seek relationships outside your marriage. At your age, you may be experiencing a mid-life crisis. There is a desperate feeling to latch onto youth by indulging in thoughts of sex with young, vibrant women to compensate for your feelings of boredom and inadequacy.

It is important that you seek professional help now. Self-analysis can sometimes be delusional. Understand the true reasons for your needs so that you do not feel so frightened and compulsive in your actions.

• Don't be a pussy by complaining, moan and be disgruntled with life.
  
• Be happy with who you as you make yourself to be ; choices are to be made.
• Stop being self-centred, count the blessings you have and be thankful of everything. Remind yourself how countless of homeless people are suffering and barely able to have one meal a day.
• Do some charity work and you will derive real happiness from making others happy. Life is what you make !
  
• Have the responsibility to handle your own mental state; never depend on others to make you blissful and don't blame anyone or anything, whether its your parents nor others for how you feel.
• As written in newspaper, sexual pleasure can only give temporary fulfillment, a repetition will definitely occur after a few years and this same longing for someone new may arise.